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  • Foto del escritorYamil Senior

Rediscovering Masculinity: What is it? And why does it matter?

In today's world, discussions about masculinity often revolve around notions of toxicity and confusion. We rarely hear masculinity being discussed if it's not preceded by the words "toxic" or "fragile" and men and boys are told that they need to "deconstruct" themselves in order to be better men. The implication is that masculinity is some sort of original sin that must be exorcized from your mind in order for you to be a good man. It's time to set the record straight and shed light on what masculinity truly is and what it is not.


toxic masculinity on the male crisis

There are many different definitions of masculinity, most of them extremely vague, and that's by design. If it's kept vague, no one really knows how to address it. But with this article, I hope to get rid of some of the confusion and give both men and women some much-needed clarity on the true virtues of masculinity.


Masculinity is earned and passed down


If we look at all the great societies throughout history, we see one common practice among all of them. A rite of passing for the men of the tribe. In some indigenous cultures, these rituals are still a big part of their society. They clearly defined when a boy became a man and the responsibilities that came along with it.


toxic masculinity on the male crisis

These rituals usually involved some form of competition, a physical feat of strength, or a show of toughness by exposing the boys to the elements or physical pain. This is because men needed to be physically and mentally capable of defending the tribe against other tribes. In Sparta, they gathered boys as young as 7 and put them through "Agoge" which was the equivalent of a longer version of Navy SEAL training. In the Sateré-Mawé tribe in Brazil, to this day, boys must put their hands in a glove full of bullet ants for 10 minutes at a time, about 20 times to be considered men.


But why have these rituals at all?


What would be the point of these rituals in the first place? Well, the way men and boys are falling behind in society gives us a very clear indication as to why these rituals are important.


Male figures are absent from most households where boys are growing up, either because of fathers being in jail, family court, or male suicide, among many reasons. Added to the fact that most teachers are now women, as well as mental health professionals. Boys are shown to perform way worse than girls without male role models and mentors.


The virtues of femininity are mostly biological, although they are also emotional and social. Most of these things can either be automatically a given or learned by interacting with others.


But that's not how masculinity works...


Masculinity needs to be earned and then passed down. Meaning that these rituals I was talking about were important because they set a very clear line between the end of boyhood and the beginning of manhood. That line created different expectations placed upon that boy once he becomes a man, and after he becomes a man, through mentorship he learns to embrace and master his masculinity.


In other words, masculinity needs to be learned.


But what is Masculinity, and why is it important?


With so much talk about toxic masculinity, we have thrown the baby with the bath water. I personally despise the phrase "toxic masculinity" because all people, regardless of their sex, can exhibit toxic behavior. But when it comes to men, those who are the least masculine and who reject all notions of true masculinity tend to be the most toxic.


In today's world, I look at famous influencers to claim to be "male feminists" who will talk all about how oppressed women are, and if a woman disagrees with them they will viciously lash out and call them a "stupid fu**ing b**ch." I look at "red pill" content creators who will act like immature children throwing a temper tantrum when a woman rejects them or asks for loyalty.


One of the biggest problems in today's society is that most men don't understand the true essence of masculinity and how to develop it. If we want to get rid of toxic behavior in men, we need more masculinity, not less.


The True Essence of Masculinity


Masculinity is often misunderstood and misrepresented, leading to confusion and despair among many men. Contrary to popular misconceptions, true masculinity is not about dominance, aggression, or power over others. Instead, it's about service, sacrifice, protection, and leadership.


1. Service to Others: At its core, masculinity is about serving others. A masculine man understands the value of lending a helping hand, offering support, and being there for those in need. Service is not a sign of weakness; it's a demonstration of strength. We serve because we are mentally and physically strong enough to give back.


2. Sacrifice and Hard Work: Masculinity embodies the willingness to do the hard work that others may shy away from. It's about shouldering responsibilities, persevering through challenges, and sacrificing personal comfort for the greater good. A masculine man knows that true growth often comes from pushing through adversity. This is why most men will thrive in an environment where they feel a sense of purpose while being challenged.


3. Protection: One of the fundamental aspects of masculinity is protection. A masculine man takes it upon himself to safeguard everything beautiful in his life – be it his family, friends, or community. He understands the potential dangers and is willing to put himself in harm's way to shield those he loves. Even the most "deconstructed" man would not hesitate to jump in front of a bullet to protect the woman he loves.


4. Caring and Gentleness: Masculinity doesn't preclude tenderness and care. In fact, a truly masculine man possesses the capacity to be gentle and compassionate because he is aware of the strength he wields. He knows that with great power comes great responsibility. A man who has tamed his own shadow understands that he can use his dark side for peace.


5. Leadership: When times get tough, a masculine man steps up to lead. He acts as a guiding light, providing direction and support to those around him. Leadership in masculinity is not about domination; it's about empowering and inspiring others.

And this doesn't mean we aren't afraid or feel overwhelmed. True masculinity is not about suppressing feelings, it's about being courageous and doing what needs to be done regardless.


6. Fearless Protection: A masculine man doesn't hesitate to put himself in harm's way to protect his loved ones. This is not a reckless pursuit of danger but a calculated understanding of the risks involved in safeguarding what matters most. It's about selflessly making sure that others can thrive and making it your mission.


The Need for Masculinity


In a world where confusion and despair can easily take root, the need for genuine masculinity has never been greater. It's not about promoting one gender over another; it's about recognizing the unique qualities that men can bring to the table. And before you go in the comments and say that "women can do these things too" remember that this is not about women. It's about giving men their purpose back.


But what is in it for me?


This is a valid question most men are asking themselves now. Why should I do all these things for a society that shames me for being myself and treats me like I'm disposable?

True happiness and fulfillment don't come from having 20 girlfriends, 15 sports cars, and a mansion in Dubai. They don't come from drugs, alcohol, video games, and porn.


toxic masculinity on the male crisis

True happiness comes from working toward something greater than yourself, a loving relationship, leaving a legacy, building a business, mentoring others, building skills, inspiring people, having children, etc.


And the most essential step for any man to do that is to fully embrace his masculinity for both his and other people's benefit.


What would happen if more men embraced their masculinity?


1. Balanced Relationships: Embracing masculinity helps create balanced and harmonious relationships. It fosters complementary dynamics where each partner can play to their strengths and support one another. It also plays a key role in a woman's attraction to you.


2. Mentorship: Masculine men serve as role models and mentors for the younger generation. They inspire the next wave of leaders and protectors, passing on the wisdom of service, sacrifice, and leadership. And we are in dire need of more mentors and role models for young boys. I think most mothers would agree.


3. Community Support: Masculine men are essential for the well-being of communities. They contribute to the safety and security of neighborhoods and provide a sense of stability in uncertain times. Even if not directly involved in law enforcement, they provide much-needed leadership and support.


4. Emotional Health: Understanding and embracing masculinity can contribute to improved emotional health for men. It allows them to acknowledge their feelings without shame and seek help when needed. So much of the male mental health crisis stems from confusion about what men's role or purpose is in this world. Embracing your masculinity gives you so much clarity and confidence to be who you are unapologetically.


Conclusion


In conclusion, masculinity is not toxic, nor is it something to apologize for. It's a set of qualities and values that, when defined and embraced correctly, can lead to a more compassionate, supportive, and resilient society. Men should never falter or despair in their pursuit of true masculinity, which is all about service, sacrifice, protection, and leadership. By fostering these qualities, we can create a world where men thrive in their masculinity, and everyone can benefit from their positive contributions.


Master your Destiny

And make this an amazing day.


Yamil Senior.


PS. If you as a man, or someone you know are having trouble with anger, depression, and anxiety click here or head on over to Get Coaching to schedule a FREE coaching session today. Men's mental health is no joke, and we need more outlets for men to express themselves.

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