Is there a war on masculinity?
Various media channels have been cracking down hard on men’s bad behavior, everything from outdated sexist views on women’s capabilities to more egregious acts like sexual harassment. I believe most of us know and agree that these things are bad, and we should put a stop to them.
But are we throwing out the baby with the bathwater?
We’ve talked before on this site about the term “toxic masculinity,” and how it’s often used as a way to describe any behavior exhibited by men, that a certain section of academia and the internet doesn’t agree with.
But what we haven’t really discussed is the current state of culture, art, and entertainment. As well as the way it represents masculinity and men in general.
Particularly straight men…
When we look at current music, movies, and TV shows, men are usually depicted as either incompetent idiots, fragile, weak, or villainous and evil. And while some might think it’s not really important because it’s just fiction, I can’t help but wonder…
What are we teaching boys?
I grew up like many men of my generation and younger, with a lot of women in the house. My parents got divorced when I was 7 or 8 years old and I got to spend less and less time with my dad as I got older. I grew up hearing all kinds of things being said about men by the women in my life, most of them negative.
I thought to myself I would grow up to be a good man, not like the men they described.
Not knowing that I was setting myself up for failure because I was in fact turning into a man. And a straight man who likes sports, muscle cars, and cage fighting.
Meanwhile, I had grown up hearing that was a bad thing, because it “reinforced negative stereotypes of gender roles” not realizing that I was somehow fighting against my own nature in order to be one of “the good ones.”
I grew up with a strong need to prove to my mother and to essentially every woman I met that I was not like the other guys. And that I was a good man who respected and honored women.
Beginning the cycle that would eventually become my downfall as I took on…
The Plight of the Nice Guy…
While I continued to try to prove to every woman that I was a nice guy, I could not help but make a connection in my mind, every time I heard phrases like “men ain’t shit” or “men are pigs.”
It would leave me thinking, either this woman doesn’t see me as a man, or she thinks it’s only a matter of time before I turn into a pig.
Back in the day it made me want to work harder to push down my masculinity in order to please them and show that I wasn’t like that. I needed to repress my sexuality, and act as if I wasn’t attracted to women because I didn’t want to be seen as a “creep” or a “predator.” I needed to repress my Latin heritage because I didn’t want to be seen as a part of “machismo” and I needed to repress my love for martial arts because I didn’t want to be seen as “violent.”
Obviously, it affected me while dating. It’s true what they say…
Nice guys finish last.
But not because women don’t like nice guys, but because most nice guys don’t really like themselves. I was wearing a nice guy mask thinking that if women could see my true self they would never want to date me or be around me. And I’ve found that a lot of guys my age or younger can relate to what I’m saying.
We grew up thinking that masculinity was this dirty, dark part of my nature that I needed to repress in order to be considered good.
When in reality, it’s a natural part of every man that needs to be nurtured, encouraged, and celebrated.
No more Mr. Nice Guy…
Back in 2019, I was in a very abusive relationship with a woman who would constantly get angry and insult me, humiliate me, and physically hurt me. I was living with her at the time, and I even worked at her brother’s business. I had lost contact with all of my friends, and barely talked to my family so I was scared of ending things with her because I had nothing and no one to turn to.
Why didn’t I call the cops?
Because I was told very clearly that if she broke a nail while punching me, I was the one who would end up in jail.
Thankfully, along came a blessing in disguise called COVID-19. We were forced to stay home, I had to find new work online, and I was with this woman all day long. So one day I got fed up, I could finally stand on my own two feet and as she got angry again I calmly told her that I would be in the next room when she was ready to talk.
As I turned around a glass flew past my head and shattered on the wall beside me.
I was done…
I ended things with her then and there.
The next week I moved to my mom’s house and I tried to rebuild my life. It was at this point in time when I started to understand what masculinity really was and how wrong I had been for most of my life.
Being masculine doesn’t make me a violent person, it doesn’t make me a misogynist, or a sex-crazed pig. Being masculine makes me strong, it makes me resilient, it makes me love myself, and it equips me to be able to love others.
When a relationship ends we tend to spend hours thinking about the things that when wrong, and for me I realized that in my need to prove I was “one of the good ones” I had forgotten about making myself happy. I had forgotten about loving myself and doing my best to stay true to myself.
No one had taught me that there was nothing wrong with me for being a man, in fact through family, friends, news, media, TV, songs, and movies, all I heard was how awful men are. And how awful men have been toward women throughout history and to this day.
I didn’t choose to be born a man. But I’m done apologizing for it…
And I believe that a lot of men feel the same way, which is why people like Andrew Tate became so popular among young men. Because most of these young men feel ignored, mistreated, and outright disrespected by society and feminism. So they turned to someone who seemed to validate their struggles, pains, and concerns.
Sadly, the Tate brothers were more concerned with pimping webcam girls than actually helping these young men. But with such a vacuum for male voices, these men will turn to anyone who offers them any kind of peace and understanding.
But there are better alternatives, and I aim to be one of those alternatives, as I do believe that I was put through this hardship to be able to help men reclaim their masculinity and become true men of virtue and truth. Men who can walk with pride in themselves and live full and happy lives, regardless of what some angry mob says on the internet.
This is why I try to provide these articles, YouTube videos, as well as coaching to those who need it.
Because I’m tired of seeing young boys being told to apologize for their gender. I’m tired of male victims of domestic abuse like myself getting ignored by the justice system. I’m tired of hearing about loving dads who can’t see their children because some judge decided he wasn’t going to get custody because of what was between his legs.
So, is masculinity under attack?
You tell me…
Let me know what you think in the comments.
Master your destiny.
And Make This an Amazing Day.
Yamil Senior.
Comments