This particular idea came to me originally from watching an anime series called “Peace Maker Kurogane” which took place in feudal Japan. That particular time in Japanese history was filled with violence and bloodshed, and they did a good job of depicting the realities of those times without glorifying violence.
The main character is a young boy whose family was brutally murdered and so he joins the “Shinsengumi” (a sort of military police force in the late Tokugawa shogunate) to avenge his family.
Familiar with most Western TV shows and movies with a similar theme I expected to find the young boy to be trained, get stronger, avenge his family, and live happily ever after.
But that’s not at all what this particular show focused on…
The first time the young man is in a combat situation his entire body freezes with fear and he can’t move, a senior officer comes to save him and take out his would-be killers. However, instead of the boy feeling relieved he is now terrified of his savior who fought like a bloodthirsty demon and mercilessly killed his attackers.
And just before the senior officer leaves he imparts a bit of wisdom on the protagonist.
He tells the boy that for him to be able to avenge his family he will first have to surrender his humanity and become a demon in the process.
And more than just a cool line in a TV show I thought this bared a lot of truth.
Let me explain why…
Particularly in the case of men, our particular hormonal and biochemical makeup, leads us to be more prone to dangerous or even violent activities from a young age compared to women.
It’s also no secret that most men are physically stronger than most women, and to quote two cartoons in one day, with that power comes great responsibility.
In puberty, most boys get a raging flood of hormones that suddenly give them an all-consuming desire to have sex and seek companionship. In adulthood, a man gets burdened with the responsibility to take care of himself and the people he loves while becoming an example for younger men to come.
It’s a lot for men to undertake, and we mostly do it silently and need no validation for it, because we know it’s part of our obligation to make the world a great place.
Although that sense of community and purpose has been lost for most young men today…
For a man to become that example and the leader he desires to be, he must first become a monster and learn to tame that monster inside of him.
No more Mr. Nice Guy…
So often as men, we hear that we should always be nice and civilized, and I’m not here to tell you otherwise. We should keep civility, respect, and cordiality at all times and with everyone we meet.
At the same time, the reason why we act this way is important, because if you are just being nice to me because you’re scared of me, I know that you don’t actually respect me.
Instead, if you know there is a monster in you that could be vicious toward me, but you actively choose to be nice to me, it shows your respect for me is genuine.
So many times I’ve encountered men who are often weak and scared of their own shadow, these men are very polite to everyone but will lie, cheat, scheme, and betray anyone behind their beck.
It’s particularly obvious in dating situations.
Guys who will treat a woman with almost reverence, and will place themselves at that woman’s feet to please her. However, if she rejects their advances or makes it clear she is not attracted to them these same men who worshiped them will viciously turn on them.
But we often think of these “nice guys” or in modern terms as intellectuals and progressives who are true examples of what a man should be in society. Because we perceive them to be harmless, we perceive them to be cordial and understanding. But in the end, they have no true values because their “niceness” is only there to protect them from being socially ostracized.
A quote that is often attributed to Thucydides though many have pointed out he never said it, perfectly illustrates this point…
“The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools.”
Only a Monster can know true peace…
I believe Dr. Jordan Peterson explained it best in his appearance in the Jocko Willink podcast a few years ago when he explained that only men who are capable of great violence can be called peaceful or virtuous.
If as a man, you avoid conflict at all costs because you’re weak and scared you cannot be considered virtuous. Because you’re not making a conscious choice to uphold justice or peace, you’re just protecting yourself, it’s selfish. You don’t care about other people, you’re not looking out for anyone other than yourself.
Only men who are capable of great violence but who choose to restrain themselves can be considered peaceful or virtuous because they chose peace. They could have escalated things considerably but they chose not to. That takes restraint and it shows a strong moral character.
I found this to be true in my own life…
I had always been interested in martial arts, and as a teenager, I practiced a particular martial art that gained a lot of fame on the Internet recently because of some of the strange practices of some of the members of the organization. Bujinkan Budo Taijutsu.
Though I maintain that it’s a legitimate martial art and it allowed me to get better at other martial arts quickly, there was always a doubt in the back of my mind that I now know plagues almost any man at one point or another.
Would I be able to protect myself and the people I love if I needed to?
In my mid-20s I found myself on my way to becoming overweight, so I decided to do something about it. Since I hated the idea of going to a gym and lifting weights I enrolled in a Mixed Martial Arts class, before I knew it I had fallen in love with the sport and I was about to compete in my first amateur fight.
I won my first fight, and as I emerged from the experience I finally had an answer to that question that had nagged me for years…
Yes. I know that in a physical altercation, I can at least defend myself and the people I love.
It made me walk through the world with a lot more confidence. And now, if a man acts disrespectfully towards me or my loved ones, I know that I can handle it as I’m not at all scared by the idea of a fight. So I won’t be intimidated but at the same time I don’t have some ill-advised need to “defend my honor.”
So what’s the solution?
Should every man train in combat sports?
I’m not going to lie, most men would benefit from it but no, some men should never be allowed to do so, it depends on your moral character.
But every man should come to grips with his dark side and accept it without fear, or in other words every man should acknowledge that the monster is already there.
-And just as a side note; I know that someone out there is going to take this to mean that all men are naturally monsters and therefore all the ills of society are because of the existence of men. No, the monster I’m referring to is also present inside women, and it can be particularly vicious in women because most of the time it goes completely unchecked.
It’s a human issue, not a gendered one.-
When a person doesn’t know how to deal with their feelings they can easily fall prey to their emotions and basic impulses. In many ways, those impulses are a representation of that monster, but instead of fighting against it, we should learn to accept it and then tame it.
So what should men do?
They should follow these basic principles:
1: Check your ego at the door.
This is a common rule in most Jiu-Jitsu gyms. It means that you should show respect, you don’t try to take out your teammates, you take the advice and constructive criticism given to you, and you don’t try to put anyone down. Let go of your pride and learn to be OK with sucking for a while.
Pride and ego are prime real estate for a monster to terrorize you and anyone around you.
2: Take full ownership of your life.
So many times in our society we are almost rewarded for complaining about how bad our life is and how it’s everyone’s fault but our own. People spend entire evenings competing over who has the biggest asshole of a boss.
And it may be true that your boss is an asshole, but you chose to stay there and continue to work for that boss. You can’t change your boss, but you can change yourself.
Have you ever yelled at a loved one and then tried to make it seem like it was their fault, talking about how “that person made you mad?”
No, you decided to respond in anger just as you could have responded with understanding, take ownership and tame the monster.
3: Let go of your need to be right.
Most people get into arguments or disagreements with other people because their expectations weren’t met. You don’t even know how many couples I’ve met who almost broke up because of unmanaged expectations.
We see the entire world in a certain way, and that’s colored by our childhood, our environment, our education, what we know, what we don’t know, etc. And then we unrealistically expect other people to think and react in the same way we do, only to get mad because it turns out they are human beings with different world views.
Understand that not everyone sees things the same way you do, and learn to be OK with that. Instead, try to understand things from other people’s perspectives.
4: Tell the truth, especially when it’s not convenient.
Nobody likes hearing the truth. People will say they do, but they don’t. I barely like hearing the truth because I’ve sought it out but it’s never something that’s easy to hear.
But telling the truth, especially about your values and why you hold them, is a critical part of making peace with the monster and taming it.
If you’re constantly lying to people to present yourself as something that you’re not, the monster becomes angrier by the minute and it comes out in the ugliest ways possible.
5: Never apologize for who you are.
Throughout your life, you will inevitably encounter people who try to make you wrong for the parts of your personality that maybe you’ve worked hard to create or that you’re proud of.
When that happens sometimes our first instinct is to apologize or change to please that person or that group of people. But you should never be afraid to express yourself, to stand up for your values, and show your true personality.
This becomes especially important for men in the 21st century…
But these are the parts of the monster that are visible to the world and if you’re insecure about them they will constantly haunt you. Learn to embrace that beast and never apologize for it, so that those comments can never hurt you again.
If you’re still finding it particularly hard to even identify the monster inside you I can help with that, click here and schedule a FREE coaching call today. And remember to join our discord server here.
Master your Destiny
And make this an amazing day.
Yamil Senior