The Manosphere has emerged as a prominent and polarizing space in every corner of the Internet. Particularly those websites that most men under 30 tend to spend the most time on, like TikTok, Reddit, Twitch, etc.
For those unfamiliar, the Manosphere encompasses a diverse range of online communities and outlets that often focus on issues related to masculinity, relationships, and self-improvement. This is where popular names like Andrew Tate, Fresh and Fit, Just Pearly Things, and more came to prominence.
And a couple of years ago I was neck deep in this type of content from the moment I woke up in the morning until I went to sleep. As those who follow me might know a few years ago I got out of a long term relationship with a woman who was verbally and physically abusive toward me (click here to see the full story).
Once I got out of the relationship I was left with a lot of mixed feelings about what I had gone through with this person. On one hand, I cherished the good times I did have with her, and on the other I felt a lot of anger (mostly directed at myself for not paying attention to the red flags), sadness, and resentment.
I came across a video talking about how women and men operate in dating settings in a very rudimentary way but it gave me some much needed clarity. It was all based on the work of some guy I had never heard of before called “Rollo Tomassi” (not his real name).
The more I listened the more I could make sense of what had happened to me and why even though I had been a victim of an actual crime, nobody seemed to care or even think it was that serious even though it nearly destroyed me.
Whenever I talked about what I went through I got a couple of “oh that’s too bad” speeches but not much sympathy or understanding. Yet here was a group of men validating my experiences and the experiences of other men in similar situations. I felt like I belonged and like finally someone was on my side.
The Rise of the Manosphere:
I can actually remember when I watched the first couple of episodes of the Fresh and Fit podcast. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a podcast hosted by two young men who usually invite a panel of Instagram models and have round table discussions about things like dating double standards, sexual dynamics, and more. The more I watched, the more I started to resent women in general because this show kept reinforcing over and over again through their guests that women were not at all interested in romantic relationships unless they could get something out of it (money, fame, resources). And every once in a while, one of the hosts would kick out one of the girls for being “disrespectful.”
I’m ashamed to admit I got some satisfaction from seeing him kick out these women, it almost felt like he was enacting some sort of justice on behalf of men. And I wasn’t alone…
A lot of men would listen in, and comment during the live shows, and most of these comments were filled with anger at the women on the panel. After gaining some popularity they would read the “superchats” on the air. This meant that men all over were tuning in live every week and spending money on insulting women on the internet, sometimes up to $500 USD just so they could get their comments on the air.
It wasn’t until I realized I didn’t want to spend my days angry with women and that the women on the Fresh and Fit podcast didn’t really represent the average woman that I unsubscribed and moved on to better things.
But How Did We Get Here?
It was the perfect storm of factors that led a large portion of young men to engage in this type of behavior. But by far the biggest factor was the fact that men and boys, to this day, face very real and hard struggles in many areas of life and nobody seems to take it seriously.
There were no internationally recognized organizations for men’s issues, no awareness ribbons, no parades, no campaigns, not even any sympathy or understanding.
Whenever other groups go through systemic struggles we try to use every possible resource to help them, but with men, we tell them to “do better” or “toughen up.”
It’s only recently that some movements for men have gained support like Movember and making June Men’s Mental Health Month. However, June has been completely overshadowed by LGBTQ+ pride movements.
So naturally most young men feel disenfranchised and left behind by society, the things that used to make men strive for excellence are no longer there. Dating seems impossible through the Internet and the laws around divorce and child custody are horribly biased against men. So many men are opting to forget about marriage altogether.
There is no longer such a thing as job security so retirement is out of the question, and if dating seems impossible starting a family is unthinkable.
So why try?
Throughout history, we have had moments like these in societies where the men ended up revolting and violently uprooting the system. That has not happened today because most of these men have buried their heads in weed, video games, social media, and pornography.
Combine these ingredients:
1. Disenfranchisement: Many young men feel marginalized or left behind by society's changing dynamics. Serious problems faced by men today are often ignored or treated as unimportant in favor of problems faced by women. Male victims of sexual or physical assault at the hands of a woman for example; are usually silenced, erased, or mocked.
2. Cultural Misandry: Since the 1980’s TV and movies have always portrayed fathers as incompetent idiots who need constant female supervision in order to function properly. Every ill of society is also blamed on “patriarchy” (father) and all progress depends on “feminism” (female). At the same time, boys everywhere are growing up with a constant reminder in school and all of the media that they are inherently “toxic” for being born male.
3. Loss of Role Models: Many children are being raised in single mother households with no father figures around. The data shows clearly that children tend to do worse in life in single parent households but boys are particularly affected. However, boys will do better if they have male role models around like teachers, grandfathers, neighbors, etc. The problem is most school teachers are now women, most therapists are women, and boys have little to no male role models to look up to.
This fosters the perfect environment for the manosphere or the red pill (as it’s also known) to step in like a breath of fresh air to men who have been sick and tired of being cast aside and disenfranchised by society.
If everyone around you tells you you’re toxic, you’re trash, you’re violent, you’re a rapist, or a misogynist because of something you cannot change about yourself. Then someone else comes along and tells you there is nothing wrong with you, who are you going to listen to?
That’s why manosphere content is so popular, particularly for young men.
But where does this movement fall short?
In general these content creators are addressing important and valid concerns about family court, divorce court, domestic abuse, false allegations, and more serious problems that men face. But the diagnosis is very flawed, as they always tend to resort back to either one of these two avenues…
Giving up completely on the idea of dating or starting a family.
Dating multiple women at once and never committing to any of them.
The manosphere provides men with a much needed purpose, something that they can aspire to. However, these aspirations are leading these young men toward a life of empty and cheap thrills that can only end in disaster.
Most of the men who follow this type of content want to find a wife and start a family, but they don’t feel like that’s possible so they become nihilistic and resentful toward women.
Which leads to this:
Misogyny: I know… And believe me, I hate using this word because it’s been so abused. But the truth is, one of the direct results of this type of content is hatred or contempt for all women. Most creators in the manosphere (some while not intending to) create a mob mentality that makes these young men start to resent and hate all women alike. Such beliefs perpetuate unhealthy relationships and further alienate men from healthy social interactions. Making it harder for them to date.
Confirmation Bias: The Manosphere can reinforce negative beliefs by providing a platform for like-minded individuals to validate each other's grievances, leading to a skewed perspective of reality. In other words, it’s a form of echo chamber that promotes a certain type of belief about women and dating in general.
Lack of Nuance: Many discussions within the Manosphere oversimplify complex issues, such as gender relations and mental health, neglecting the need for a nuanced understanding of these topics. Channels like Fresh and Fit or the Whatever podcasts often invite a very specific type of woman to their shows while they often bring in highly intelligent male experts to debate them and purposefully make them look stupid.
In the long run, this makes men lonely, desperate, and angry. And if you pay attention to history, every single time we have had a large number of lonely young men there have been very bad times ahead.
Constructive Solutions for Young Men
Instead of turning to the Manosphere, there are healthier and more constructive alternatives for young men to address their concerns and struggles:
1. Shut off Social Media: Often times it’s easy for all of us to lose perspective of what the real world is like when we are neck deep in social media content. And the algorithms only reinforce your beliefs by feeding you more and more content of the same nature. So stop and take a second to experience the real world for what it really is.
2. Have Face to Face Interactions: Talk to women, not necessarily as a date but maybe just hang out as friends. Have conversations with them, do more listening than you do talking, and inform your decisions based on what you learn.
3. Healthy Male Communities: Engage in offline and online communities that promote positivity, personal growth, and mutual support. We have a free Facebook community as well as a Discord server for you to join and share positive ideas and stories.
4. Focus on Building Yourself: One of the good things about the manosphere is that it encourages men to better themselves but there is little to no talk about how to do that except for maybe “go to the gym and get a Bugatti.” So instead of talking about it, let’s actually do it, and if you don’t know where to start, click here we’ve got you covered.
5. Read Books By Great Men: Great men have compiled years of their lives in tomes that you can read in a few days, so read books by men that you admire. If you would like a list of books, here are a few:
Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
How to Make Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins
Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins
Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss
Discipline Equals Freedom by Jocko Willink
Find more in our free communities.
But most importantly…
Realize that while the manosphere can pride an immediate sense of community and release, you don’t want it for a steady diet. It made me waste a lot of time on resentment and anger and it’s my wish that you learn from my mistakes and become a better man than me.
Allow yourself to love again, allow yourself to forgive, allow yourself to have hope again, and truly work toward leading a much more fulfilling life filled with joy and community.
Master Your Destiny
And make this an amazing day.
Yamil Senior
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